Sometimes you realise you don’t want something as much as you thought you did. And that’s ok.

Coffee, a doughnut, and a book in bed

There are only so many times you can jump right back up after you get knocked down before it takes you a little longer to get back up, and you begin to wonder whether you still want it. 

During the past few weeks, some things have happened which have made me stop and think about whether I want to continue doing them. Yes, that’s all very vague. 

I’m somewhere between a realist and an optimist; I always try to bounce back and get on with something, but after so many knock backs I start to question the point and try to evaluate whether or not I’ll get the result I’m looking for. 

I’ve been a bit ‘meh’ in general for the past few weeks, but I feel like you sometimes need that.

Sometimes you need to evaluate how much you want something. It’s easy to keep working towards something and slowly begin to lose interest, and you don’t realise that you actually don’t want it / want to do it anymore. We’ve all got to pay our dues, but when the fun is no longer there, it’s time to turn your focus elsewhere. 

And sometimes, you realise how much you want something and you’re invigorated and ready to keep on battling. 

And I feel like, for me, I have to wallow in self-pity a little to figure out whether I’m ready to call it quits, or keep soldiering on. 

If you realise that you don’t want something as much as you did before, it’s ok. It can be hard to admit that you’ve ‘given up’ on chasing a dream, but are you really giving up if your priorities or interests changed? It still feels a bit awkward, especially if family and friends ask about it, but life is to short to do something you don’t want to do anymore. There’s no point kidding yourself. 

It’s easy to think that your life revolves around something, when perhaps it actually doesn’t. Or maybe your priorities and interests have shifted. And taking time out from it and focusing on doing things that actually make you happy can teach you that, and give you a lot of clarity. 

I don’t think it does any harm to have a little downtime either. We’re all taught that we should work non-stop to get what we want, and I’m not saying we shouldn’t work hard, but I don’t think the amount of hours we’re putting in is a measure of how good we are, it just leads to burnout. 

I’m slowly getting back up and, in a way, I’m grateful for being knocked down because it’s taught me a couple of things. Silver linings an’ all? 

Have you ever realised you don’t want something as much as you thought you did?